Poor treason of stout blood against staggering brain

Dear world,

My favorite thing, when I get good, sweet, delicious blackberries is to put four or five of them in my mouth all at once. They burst with juice in a way not many fruit does. It's hedonistic, taking all that sweetness and juice in one big bite. I don't want to be caught enjoying myself so much over something so simple. Like how, if I like someone and I'm shy about it, I find ways to touch them: a knee under the table, elbows while waiting in line. I ask for a hand to help me when I don't really need help. The worst part is that everyone sees but my intended target so THATS JUST GREAT. 

"I don't have any fetishes," my friend muses.  I can't see her, but I assume she's swiping left on Tinder as we talk.

Do I have a fetish?  "Hmm. I guess... I like fruit." 

"I'm not sure that counts. It's not like you want to fuck fruit," she says. Fair point. I don't. 

One night, while driving, I carelessly bite into a pear. I don't expect it to be so sweet and soft. A drop of juice falls from the bitten flesh onto untouched green. I touch that drop to my lips and with the tip of my tongue savor the taste of it, before taking as big a bite as I can, my teeth barely meeting resistance as I fill my mouth with pear. It smells like flowers.  

This week what got me was Bill Nye in a deerstalker cap. It was like a burst of cold wind in my face. I couldn't catch my breath for a moment. I felt my heart leap into my throat and an ache just below my ribcage that I assuaged with a series of deep, long sighs. Somehow the combination of bowtie and deerstalker was too much for my delicate feminine composition. If he were carrying flowers, I might have fainted. 

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder. In this case I am a beholder who finds men with big brains sexy and who loves how, when he talks about finding his special someone, his voice becomes soft and reverent. I can't help myself. I wish someone would talk about me like that. 

I wonder if anyone does.

Sexy Pear Gingerbread Cake

Pears

2 pears

1 tbsp butter

1 tbsp sugar

1 tbsp powdered ginger (optional)

1 tbsp brandy

Gingerbread Cake

1 cup Trader Joes gingerbread pancake mix

1 egg

1/4 cup butter

1/4 cup water

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

Measure pancake mix, add butter and mix until combined. Add egg and water and stir until it's the consistency of cake batter.

Cut pear into rough chunks, about an inch cubed. Get fancy, if you choose. Add butter to an oven-safe pan, about 10" in diameter and then pears. Sprinkle with sugar and a pinch of salt. When it gets bubbly, add powdered ginger, if using, and then the brandy. Stir gently until combined and pour the cake mix over the pears. Bake for 10-12 minutes, until the cake is done. Let cool for 10 minutes and serve plates upside down, by placing a plate over the pan upside down and then flipping the plan and plate so the cake lands cake side down and the carmelized pears are on top. Serve with honey. Eat the whole thing by yourself in one day.